


Mori's Birthday, or: Ride the Pony

by auroramcchicken



Series: Birthdays [1]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Jokes, Birthday Sex, M/M, i wrote this while in the same room as my grandparents, they must be so proud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-06
Updated: 2012-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-06 20:59:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auroramcchicken/pseuds/auroramcchicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fun fact: Apparently surprise parties involve your guests listening to you having sex through the door. Originally written on 5/5/12. May also contain the only joke where it can be said, "It's funny because her mom's dead."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mori's Birthday, or: Ride the Pony

"Surprise! Happy birthday, Mori!"

To say that Takashi Morinozuka was surprised at this turn of events would be an understatement. All he wanted to do on his birthday night, after dinner with his parents, was have a quiet night with Kyouya, his boyfriend of 2.5 years. Instead, he got all of his old friends, their love interests (when those things didn't overlap), his brother, and some other people that he probably knew, but couldn't recognize in this environment.

"Kyouya, did you plan this?"

"No. Honestly, I'm about as surprised as you are."

"Surprise! It was me!" A now 20 year old Tamaki Suoh stepped forward, beaming, sparking, and hamming it up as usual.

"I tried to stop him, but you know how he is when he's like this," Haruhi Fujioka apologetically declared. She was now 18 years old, and her hair had now grown to about chin length. Takashi merely nodded, accepting both the party (albeit reluctantly) and Haruhi's apology.

"Cake, cake!"

"Not yet, Honey. We're doing presents first."

These were not the best presents Takashi had ever received, but he gave them a pass, since it was the thought that counted. The twins had given him a "funny" shirt that was about three sizes too small for him. Tamaki had tried to claim that planning the party and his beautiful presence should be more than enough for anyone, but he had given a sword cover, which he wouldn't be able to use anyway, seeing as it was child size and sparkly pink. Haruhi had been starved for ideas, so she bought some pet food at the grocery store that morning, but his dog hated that brand. At least SOMEONE was smart enough to leave the receipt. Honey had provided the birthday cakes, at least one of which had already been eaten.

Satoshi still seemed to believe that Takashi was a samurai. No matter what he did, he somehow managed to connect it to samurai. That was most likely why he was given a katana on this, his 21st birthday and a stormy Saturday night. Their parents had given up trying to stop him long ago. How did he even get a katana, anyway? Wasn't there an age limit for that sort of thing?

After presents and cake, the party guests insisted on singing "Happy Birthday," no matter how much Takashi protested. Most of the guests had a few drinks in their systems, so it was even worse than it would have been otherwise. He felt a sudden desire to get abducted by aliens.

Takashi would later will the drunken dancing from his brain, especially his. He would deny it all the way to his grave if he had to. The pictures and video were all fake, especially the one of him singing on top of a table. He didn't even know any Lady Gaga songs! Nevertheless, they existed, and they would probably be on Facebook in the morning, mocking him and ruining his life.

At any rate, he was in no condition to refuse when Kyouya brought him to their room to give him his gift in private.

"You know," Kyouya commented, himself a little tipsy, "you've always sort of reminded me of a horse." They were practically racing to see who could get their clothes on the floor faster.

"Oh, really? How so?" Even while drunk, Takashi was still a man of few words, but he knew how to make them count.

"Well, you're strong, loyal, majestic, noble… I'm sure I could go on for a while. Plus, you're sort of hung like one." This last bit was said into his bare shoulder, but Takashi understood. His pink face gave it away.

"Ride me, cowboy." Who knew that the best statement ever would only be three words long?

The happy couple may have been having the time of their lives in there, but outside, it was a different story. Did they always do… these things… this loudly? Every moan, sigh, grunt, instruction, sign of approval, and use of the other's given name sounded like it was coming from a top-notch stereo system that belonged to a borderline deaf person. Everyone knew Kyouya hated to spend excess money, but if they were this loud, then wouldn't soundproofing fall under necessary expenses?

Well, at least there were no parents. Satoshi had gone home, where a 17 year old should be at 1:00 on a Sunday morning, and none of Kyouya's siblings had come at all.

Kasanoda and Mei had left after this started, politely declaring that they had jobs to get to in the morning. Honey and Tamaki were on the floor crying, too scarred to do anything else. Reiko was consoling Honey, but was also strangely fascinated with the rodeo in the bedroom. The twins debated whether or not it was ethical to record the noises, remix them into a catchy club hit, and put it on YouTube. No was the winner, because Haruhi threatened them, so they settled for holding this over their heads for at least the next five years. She sat next to Tamaki, the two of them the picture of pink boy, blue girl adorableness. Even Nekozawa was terrified, whispering curses to himself in the fetal position.

Finally, the noises ceased, and Tamaki snapped out of his mini-meltdown.

"Do those two want to be a little louder next time? I don't think my mother heard them."

"Nonsense. My mother probably heard them," Haruhi responded.


End file.
